The PokeWeb Chronicles
by SergeantBacon
Summary: Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Pokemon used the Internet? These short stories contain tales of how Pokemon could react to Internet culture, from Gardevoir Googling herself to the tale of Ken Cubone.
1. Gardevoir Googles Herself

**Please note: The stories in this series are meant in no way to offend anyone. These are simply for laughs out of sheer ridiculousness of what I'm writing. Also a lot of this won't make sense if you don't use the Internet frequently. I clearly do not own Pokemon and this is a humble fan creation. Also I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.**

* * *

It was a beautiful Saturday morning. Autumn leaves fell from the trees outside. Gardevoir sat at her computer sipping from her pumpkin spice lattte. The deliciousness of the Autumn-exclusive special at Sawsbucks' coffee splashed over her taste buds like a tidal wave.

Gardevoir logged onto Tumblr in search of posts to get offended by. Usually a post from a cis white male would cross her path and give her a reason to be outraged. She scrolled through the website frantically searching the many many posts. Finally, she found it; a video of a male sexually harassing someone by stating that his name was "Hugh Mungus". Gardevoir cracked her knuckles, ready to pounce and unleash what she learned from her many hours of keyboard warrior training.

"This poor victim!" Gardevoir typed. "All she did was ask his name, and he responded to her with verbal sexual harassment! And what did the police do? Nothing! Cis male scum! All of them!" Gardevoir posted her reply. She sat there, waiting for someone to disagree with her, offend her, anger her; anything that could make her seem oppressed so she could get attention. But nothing appeared. It seemed that others had already left similar comments. Gardevoir steamed at the fact that they had stolen her opportunity to target her rage upon someone. She clenched her fits harder than a bear trap. Somehow she needed to make herself look like a target. Suddenly, an idea leaped into her head.

"I know!" shouted Gardevoir triumphantly to herself. "I'll search my name! There must be someone out there that has an opinion about me that I can find offensive!" She opened a new tab on her web browser and a search bar appeared. Gardevoir clicked on it and began to spell out her name. G... A... R... She continued to spell her name. But little did she know that she made possibly the worst mistake of her life: She left "Safe Search" off.

At first, the images were normal. Her image on Bulbapedia, a few selfies here and there, all pictures that she had approved. But then she noticed some hand-drawn pictures. 'That's odd,' she thought to herself. 'I didn't know that people drew me.' She continued to scroll until she saw...

Porn. Lots. Of her. Drawn by really, really messed up artists. (Seriously, what is wrong with you sickos?) She gasped when she saw the horrific images sprawl across her screen. She nearly fainted at the sight of them. She began to feel very lightheaded. She was so used to making false and exaggerated claims of people sexually harassing her and being generally creepy that she was completely unprepared for a legitimate situation. To make matters worse, they drew her with breasts. They had completely and utterly assumed her gender! Gardevoir's blood boiled with anger. She clenched her fists so tight that she made herself bleed with her own fingernails. But she didn't care. All she knew was that she absolutely had to track down the scum-of-the-earth villains who drew her like this. She opened up Skype on her computer and called the Pokemon who she knew could help her best.

"Hey, Gardevoir," greeted a voice on the other end. It was friendly and cheerful, but Gardevoir was not.

"Rotom! Some people have been harassing me!" shouted Gardevoir.

"Are you sure you're not being over dramatic?" questioned Rotom. "You do realize that air conditioning can't actually be-"

"No, it's not that, you numskull!" snapped Gardevoir.

"Technically, I don't have a skull," chuckled Rotom. Gardevoir ignored the unfunny joke and continued.

"People have been drawing- drawing p-p-PORN of me!" stammered Gardevoir.

"Wait, did you honestly just now find out about that?" said Rotom. "It's been going on for years now." Gardevoir gasped. She couldn't believe it. For YEARS?!

"I need you find all of the people who did this!" demanded Gardevoir.

"But there's so much of it! It would take forever!" protested Rotom. "I can only check the creator of one image at a time and that would-"

"I'M TRIGGERED!" shrieked Gardevoir so loudly that it would have made an Exploud's Boomburst pale in comparison.

"Alright, alright, fine! Please don't ever do that again..." begged Rotom. "Send me the link to the picture who's artist you want me to find the most." Gardevoir searched the images and found the most disturbing one she could. She copied and pasted the link into the Skype chat for Rotom to see.

"OK, I'll need to go into cyberspace and track this person down, which will take a couple of minutes," replied Rotom. He/she/it/other exited the call and used their abilities to enter the internet and track down the creator of the image. He was surprised at who the artist was.

"Well? Who was it?" asked Gardevoir curtly when Rotom returned.

"You're not going to like this," warned Rotom. "The artist is..." Rotom paused. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes, I am," insisted Gardevoir.

"Are you sure you're sure?" badgered Rotom.

"Yes, I am!" repeated Gardevoir, growing more and more irritated by the second.

"Are you sure you're sure you're-"

"ROTOM IF YOU DON'T TELL ME THIS INSTANT I'M UNFRIENDING YOU ON SNAPCHAT!"

"Alright, fine. Gallade made it." Gardevoir was stunned. Shocked. Afraid. Horrified. More interesting adjectives. Gallade, the Pokemon everyone had "shipped" her with in High School, was one of the pervs who made the disgusting drawings? She couldn't believe it. She knew that he was weird and was convinced that they were destined to be together just because they were in the same evolutionary line but she had no idea that he was this insane. Fortunately, she knew where he lived. He had sent her letters before. Gardevoir had wanted to move out of her parents' house for years so she could avoid him, but she had wasted all of her money on "Gender Studies" in college. She checked the envelope of one of the letters and read the return address. She grabbed her parents' keys and drove the car all the way down to Gallade's house.

Gardevoir pulled into Gallade's driveway and parked the car. She approached his front door ready to yell at him for being so offensive. She knocked on the door and Gallade answered.

"Wow! Gardevoir!" exclaimed Gallade when he opened the door. "I thought you didn't get my letters. How have you been? Please do come-"

"SHUT UP!" hollered Gardevoir right in Gallade's face. "I KNOW ABOUT THAT HORRIBLE, PERVERTED DRAWING YOU MADE OF ME!"

"Oh my Arceus, Gardevoir, please calm down!" shouted Gallade. "I made that years ago!"

"WHY?!" demanded Gardevoir.

"Because, well, I loved you," answered Gallade sheepishly. "I always have and I still do. Gardevoir, would you be willing to spend your life with me?" Gardevoir was completely taken aback by this statement. She accepted and they got married and had lots of babies and lived happily ever after.

Nah, I'm just kidding.

She ripped Gallade's testicles out through his asshole using her psychic power.

The end! What a happy ending! :D

* * *

 **I'm sure you're wondering, "What did I just read?" And I'm currently wondering, "What did I just write?" I'll probably add another story to this in the future. This will be a bunch of short stories based on Pokemon and Internet culture. If you have any suggestions for a future story please let me know. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Ken Cubone

**Hi! It's been a while since I've made one of these huh? To be honest, I'm not super into fan fiction and it's sort of a "guilty pleasure" of mine. That being said sometimes I get a random and stupid idea and I want to share it for some reason. Also note that this story is not meant to offend anyone and does not at all reflect my views on anything other than the fact that I love dank memes.**

It was the day of the second presidential debate of the 2016 Unova region election. Ken Cubone anxiously paced in his hotel room, tossing and catching his bone. He was undecided on whether to vote for Donald Gumshoos or Hillary Clefable. Because of this, he was selected to be among the group of undecided Pokemon that would ask the candidates a question. He already had one in mind; how they planned to increase the sufficiency of Energy Ball. Energy Ball was a very important move that many grass-types could learn. It was recently discovered that Energy Ball could be very useful. After weeks of studying the letters that made up the move, scientists concluded that this strange green sphere was a source of energy. They had experimented and found that it could be contained and used over long periods of time to power machines. Scientists wish to do more research, but it would be very expensive. The government is reluctant to invest in the research because-

Oh, who am I kidding? You're not here for the exposition. You saw the words "Ken Cubone" and immediately clicked for the sole purpose of dank memes. Tl;dr version: Scientists want money to research a thing and the government isn't sure if they want to hand over the cash. Now back to your regularly scheduled memes. #420blazeit

Ken decided that worrying wouldn't accomplish anything. He looked in his closet. His olive green suit was neatly hung up. All Pokemon attending were required to wear some sort of fancy clothing to make themselves look important. He was very excited about his attire. Last night he tried it on and was very pleased with how it looked, despite the fact that the pants were ropes squeezing his chest together

Ken had several hours to go before he had to leave for the debate and he was hungry. He called room service and ordered a large pizza loaded with toppings. His pizza arrived and he took it to his bed. He lied down and ate piece after piece discarding the crust. He turned on his favorite album; "The Yellow Album" by Spongebob Squarepants. He listened to the beautiful music and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Ken woke up from a long nap and looked leaned over to look at his clock. His eyes grew as wide as dinner plates. He was supposed to have left fifteen minutes ago! He quickly sat up and dusted the pizza crust off of his over sized belly. He got out of bed and frantically ran to his closet. He grabbed his suit and knew he had to hurry. He didn't have time to clean up or even turn off his music. He ran into the bathroom with his suit to change.

"Why do I always oversleep?" he mumbled to himself as buttoned up his shirt. He reached down to grab his pants when suddenly...

"I ripped my pants!" sang Spongebob. The Yellow Album was still playing. 'How bad would it be if I actually ripped my pants?' Ken thought to himself. But we all know that if you think about a bad thing happening, it probably will happen. Or not. Something worse could happen instead.

Ken had nearly finished putting on his pants when he realized in horror that he was trying to wear a Pokemon! Pantsinator, a Generation Sixteen Pokemon. Ken had the worst luck. Just earlier today his car keys had been replaced by a living creature. These inanimate object-like Pokemon loved to trick others, and Ken was constantly being tormented by these poorly-designed monsters. He cursed his god Masuda for creating such disturbing creatures.

The Pantsinator laughed mischievously and threw himself off of Ken's legs. It charged out of the bathroom, stole Ken's camera, and leaped out of the window. Ken sighed and shook his head at his own misfortune. He stood up and desperately searched his hotel room for something to replace his suit. He couldn't wear the shirt without the pants. He pulled a pair of khakis out of his suitcase. 'These will do' he thought. He looked for something to wear over his chest. Suddenly, he saw it in his suitcase. A beam of crimson light shining in the darkness. Something that held a spectacular future for him that he had no idea about.

A red sweatshirt.

"This will do," he said to himself. "It'll look good over my white shirt." He pulled the sweatshirt over his white button-up shirt. He quickly ran out the door of his hotel room, dashed through the lobby and made his way to his car. He drove as fast as he legally could down to the Rotom-Washington University. When the building was within sight he turned off his phone and stored it in the glove compartment. He parked his car and dashed into the building, his skull mask bobbing up and down. He had made it with plenty of time to spare. He decided to wander the halls while he waited. As he was walking he saw something yellow sticking out of a trash can. He examined it and found out it was a disposable camera. Since the Pantsinator had stolen his actual camera, this would serve as a substitute. After finding one good item in a trash can, he immediately began inspecting every other trash can in the hallway. (Don't lie; you do this too when you play Pokemon) Soon there was an announcement saying that all of the selected undecided voters required to report immediately to where the debate was being held. Ken walked nervously into the room.

* * *

"I believe that Donald is only saying these things because he has a strong distrust of women," stated Hillary Clefable.

"Oh, we're playing the victim card now, are we?" replied Donald Gumshoos.

"There are no cards in this, you numbskull! This isn't the TCG!" retorted Hillary.

"Then what universe is this story in?" asked Gumshoos.

"I have no idea! The author left that blank!" Hillary Clefable and Donald Gumshoos had been interrupting and attacking each other the whole night. They were pretty hard on each other the last debate, but tonight they were being especially aggressive. The moderators tried to quell their rage but to little avail. No matter how many times they tried to get them to stay on topic and discuss the real issues that plagued the region, tWhey simply went back to personal attacks that brought little to the table.

"Hold on, please listen," begged one of the moderators. "We have one more question from Ken Cubone about energy policy. Ken?" This was it. It was time to ask his question. He sheepishly rose from his chair, clutched his microphone, and read his question aloud.

"What steps will your energy policy take to meet our energy needs while at the same time remaining environmentally friendly and minimizing job loss for fossil power plant workers?" There. He had said it. Done. He was glad to finally have it over with. He sat down and listened to the rest of the debate, hoping that he had not made his nervousness too apparent.

* * *

The debate had been over for nearly forty five minutes when Ken finally got the chance to leave. He sluggishly got into his car and turned on his phone. As soon as it turned on, he was flooded with hundreds of notifications. He was so confused and knew that it was going to be a long night. As he drove back to his hotel room, his phone beeped constantly. What had prompted all of this attention? When he finally got back to his room he decided to have a look. He had dozens of missed calls and messages from his friends linking him to various articles. He tapped on one and it took him to Bug-Buzzfeed. Right there at the top of the article was a picture of him holding a microphone at the debate. Below it was a collection of messages Pokemon on social media worshiping him for no apparent reason. He was confused and amazed at his newfound fame. What did he do to deserve becoming the new Internet legend?

Two days later, it was time for Ken to return home. He went to the airport and was greeted by dozens of his disciples asking for pictures and questions to be answered by the "Boneman" himself. His followers lovingly refered to themselves as "Boneheads", a name with which the new king of the internet and winner of the second presidential debate was very pleased.

When Ken boarded the plane, the flight attendant nearly fainted when she saw him. She offered him free Wi-Fi, as a living meme must always stay connected with the internet. Ken humbly accepted her gift. He browsed the internet and could hardly go anywhere without encountering Pokemon showing devotion to him. His memes were Zubats in a dark cave; constantly popping up whether you want it or not.

About halfway through the flight, Ken received an email from Jimmy Kingler Live; a popular talk show in the Pokemon world. He had been invited to participate in an interview live on the show. Ken was speechless. Was he dreaming? No, no he wasn't. It was real. The magic of the internet had truly shined upon him.

The interview with Jimmy Kingler went very well. Ken Bone talked to him over Skype in front of tens of millions of Pokemon. He was showered with compliments by the kind host. He confirmed that his twitter handle was in fact "KenCubone18". Within an hour he had tens of thousands of followers all asking the red sweater-wearing hero many various questions. Ken decided that it would be a good idea to answer his eager fans' questions. So, he decided to do an "Ask Me Anything" event on Reddit. But unbeknownst to him, he had made the worst mistake of his life.

He had used his own personal account for the event.

* * *

The AMA on Reddit lasted all night. Ken was incredibly exhausted but he had things to do that say. He was to attend a charity golf tournament. While he was waiting for his turn, a female Jynx approached Ken. She was obviously a reporter.

"Are you Ken Cubone?" she asked.

"Yes, I am," Ken answered. He was getting tired of interviews but he knew that it was his duty as a living meme to answer any questions that he could.

"Can you please clarify your statements on Jennifer Lopunny?" Ken was struck with confusion. He nearly punched himself in the face because of it. Jennifer Lopunny? What did she have to do with anything. Ken plainly said, "I have no idea what you're talking about" and walked away. The reporter scoffed and turned around, walking in the opposite direction. Ken was so confused.

When Ken got home, he decided to investigate and figure out why the reporter had asked that strange question. Just by Googling his name he found many articles written by people claiming that Ken was actually a truly evil Pokemon. What? What could these assumptions be based on?

After some further digging, Ken discovered that these complaints about him arose when people began rummaging through his Reddit history and selected the worst comments he made. Ken knew that he had said some stupid things such as, "I looked at Jennifer Lopunny's butthole and I liked it." But those were some of his most offhanded, out of normal comments. Ken knew he wasn't a saint, but the media using some of the stupidest things he's said against him truly aggravated him. The worst articles were the ones that lied and twisted his words. For example, a rape victim had posted that she felt she was disgusting because of the experience. Ken said that it was the one who had comitted the crimes that was disgusting. But the article stated that Ken had called HER disgusting, which was totally false. But no one wanted the truth; only drama and whatever was entertaining. Ken's reputation had been demolished. He had gone from Unova's most loved Pokemon to the most hated.

* * *

Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear red sweaters. But sometimes even those heroes need help from other heroes that wear non-heroic clothes. And Ken was about to get help from one who proudly wore a beanie.

Ethan Klang was a very outspoken Pokemon who ran a YouTube channel called h3h3 productions. Ethan was not like the other internet users. He was willing to doubt what everyone else believed was right. And he was not going to sit by and let a man's reputation be ruined by some stupid people writing some stupid articles. A about a week after Ken Cubone's Reddit disaster, Ethan uploaded a video called "Leave Ken Cubone Alone".

"You know what's rally grinds my gears?" he vented. "When the Internet has to go and ruin someone's life." He ranted about how Ken did nothing wrong and that he was just a man. Ken was so greatful that someone had finally stood up for him. The next day, Ethan let Ken come on for an interview to clear his name. Thanks to Ethan Klang, Ken Cubone's dank story could have a happy ending.

Well, that is until the new president is elected. Then the world is screwed.

 **Woah, you made it all the watch to the end? Thank! I've been working on this on and off for a while but I really wanted to get this done before Election Day D you're about a US citizen and can vote, please do. It's what the real Ken Bone wants.**


End file.
